Now you’ll protest. You’ll shake your head. You’ll snort with rotten indignation at the suggestion that it has ever happened to you. Well, perhaps it hasn’t. But in short you should never turn down good advice.

So you’ve met this hot guy, hot girl, whatever. You’ve impressed with the talk, the walk, the white hot French Connection shirt that cost a lot - but was worth it, even though you have to iron it before wearing it out.

You’ve chatted, you’ve snogged, you’ve made with the banging headboard. The next morning you realise, oops… you forgot their name. Forgot it, or didn’t ask.

But they’re really nice. Clearly you can’t ask now. So here are my tips for finding out on the sly. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

1) Always wear bangles and a necklace. Leave one in the toilet and one in the bedroom. As you are leaving tell… well we’ll find that out soon enough, but tell him/her you’ve left the bangles in their room. Now they may be the suspicious type and want to follow you. That’s why you send them after the necklace. Remember. You only have a short amount of time. So the best bet is to go for a bank statement. This is because not only will it most likely tell you their name, it’ll also be an indication if they are worth a second date. Most people want their bank statements close, but out of sight. So go for a desk drawer, or a folder on a shelf.
2) They’ve left their computer on. Tell them you’ve really got to check to see if you’ve got an email from work. With luck they’ll use Microsoft Office. Click it open and accidentally hit create ‘create new message’ if the Gods are on your side they’ll have set a signature on the bottom of their emails and you are away.
3) Tell them you’ll make your own way home and they don’t need to walk you to the Tube station. Duck behind a hedge and wait for the postman. Bribe postman.
4) Casually ask them who is before them in the telephone book. This will tell you their surname and start you off with one letter of their first name.
5) Ask them for their telephone number. Give them a false one. Then when you leave the house call them praying they answer the phone - "Hello John/Jane speaking". Because they’ll have saved your false number they won’t know it’s you.
6) Grab their phone while they are in the toilet. Phone the number marked mum. Start sobbing. Eventually mum should say something like "Is that you George. George, darling whatever is wrong?" Hang up cackling.
7) Follow them to work. Sneak in and act like you work there. Point out him/her to the receptionist. Tell them it’s their birthday and you want everyone to sign a card for them but you have terrible penmanship. Ask the receptionist if they’ll start if off for you.
8) Drop like a million hints that you are on Facebook and pray they add you as a friend.
9) Tell them you are so much in love that it would be a great idea if he/she carved both of your names into a tree. Point out you’d do it but you are allergic to splinters and would swell up horribly.
10) Get them to start working in McDonald’s. Then quickly take a look at that badge.

Clearly not an exhaustive list. Give me a few more ideas - it’s not a regular occurrence or anything but it helps to be prepared - using the comment feature below.